Why I've Been Single For Six Years...
Why I’ve Been Single For Six Years .... well 5 Years, 11 Months, 2 Days and 19 Hours to be precise, but who’s counting? The short answer to this question is basically that I’m selfish. But if you want the long answer, continue reading and we will delve into the complexities of my very single life and hopefully this will be as enlightening for me, as it will for you.
It was a Sunday afternoon and after a big night out with some close friends, the slightly hungover topic of conversation turned to relationships and the question was raised: “Billy, why are you still single”? I’ve been asked this question many times before but I have never really thought too much into it. Perhaps it was because it came from a close friend it resonated more deeply than usual. Since this conversation I have been thinking about it a lot. Trying to reach a conclusion to this dilemma I started to go through all the possible causes and solutions, soon I realised I was making excuses rather than legitimate reasons....
ONE – The Dating Game In 2018 Is ROUGH – Reason Or Excuse?
I’ll be the first to shout hypocrite on this one, because we all know how much I love my dating apps (if you don’t just take a look at my other blogs and videos). I believe there are so many positives when it comes to millennial dating. The fact that we now live in an era where we can meet people we wouldn’t usually meet in our usual social settings is just one of them, and how we now have so much choice and freedom when it comes to who to date. However, it has to be said the latter option could also be perceived as a negative. Me and my friends are all late twenties now, and we often remark on how hard it is to find something of substance, and not just a fling. People do have so much choice now and some might say we are living in a world where everything is temporary and people expect instant gratification. I stewed on this reason for a day or so, but then came to the conclusion, it’s not a reason it’s an excuse. I can’t be the only one using apps who is open to a possible relationship, and I don’t believe people are searching for instant hits all the time, such as a hookup (you know which apps I mean). I do however believe that in this millennial era, less people are willing to settle for something less than amazing, and I personally think that’s a positive thing. People should have the right to choose and be picky. From my own experience I am extremely happy in myself and with my life, and if I was to invite someone else in to my lovely little life, they would have to bring something wholly positive. I don’t think anyone should settle for less.
Conclusion for this one: EXCUSE.
TWO – I live a FRANTIC working lifestyle – Reason or Excuse?
One week I can be sat at home twiddling my thumbs, the next I’m flying to Berlin, having castings in London, shoots in Manchester whilst arranging twenty or so new campaigns through emails. My life is super erratic at times, but I love it and I choose to live it this way so I won’t complain. The only thing I will say is that it takes a certain person to adapt to a life like this. I have a fear of making plans in advance because from my past experience a solid seventy percent of the time they go to shit. I’ve cancelled flights, holidays, days out and parties before all because I have a casting or something along those lines. I’m self employed and work in an industry where my job has to come first otherwise I don’t get paid. So basically plans with me will never be 100% solid. This might seem quite harsh to some, and it can be really awkward at times, but my future is my work and I am always hopeful that my next job or casting could change everything for me.
As you can tell, I’ve thought about this reason a lot, but still I concluded that this was in fact an excuse. People work – I am no different and just because my life can sometimes be unplanned and erratic doesn’t mean I am any different to someone who works a busy office job. In my opinion if you want to make time for dating, you will find the time to do it.
Conclusion for this one: EXCUSE.
THREE – Emotional Availability - I’m Selfish
In order to go deep into this I firstly should talk about my previous relationship. I was much younger at twenty one, and we were together for two and a half years. Before this relationship I had no substantial romantic connections in my life, so this was my first and only relationship (so far). As with many first relationships or even relationships in general, it’s so easy to lose yourself in the emotion of it all and keep yourself grounded. It’s safe to say I defiantly wasn’t grounded at this point and fully lost myself depending on my partner for far too much. There was defiantly an element of youth that played its part in this relationship, I now look back and I don’t recognise the ME that was. For the most part it was a really happy time we spent together, but nether-the-less it ended and I was broken. Heart-break is one of the worst experiences I have been through, and I think people are quick to dismiss it and not take on board the emotional toil it can have. I was lucky to have a great support of friends and family, it took me a good solid year after we broke up to fully find myself again, I was independent and happy in myself, not needing or feeling reliant on anyone. My experience from this relationship has defiantly scared me, but in no way does that come from the other person, it scared me because of who I became. A needy, reliant princess – which is so far away from my true self! Before this relationship I was always an indepenant person and I love that about me. I come first, taking charge with what I do and when I do it. It’s probably why I fell into the role of being self-employed so naturally. I like to be in charge of my life and I have to admit I don’t like having to factor in anyone else in any decisions I make.
In the six years that I have been single, there have been a few times where I was close to getting into a relationship, but it never matured. It does scare me that if I start to have feelings for someone and care about them, I will somehow lose control and eventually turn into someone who is no longer independent again. Basically, I am selfish. There are positives to this, in the sense that I am very aware of my own happiness and I’m confident in saying no to things I don’t want to do. But...there are indeed negatives to this and being single for six years is probably one of them.
To conclude this is the REASON and not an EXCUSE.
I believe a huge part of life is making connections with people, and I would love to explore a romantic connection with someone again. I’m hopeful I will one day but that’s not to say I am unhappy right now or pinning for it. As mentioned above, I am truly happy in myself and would only ever want someone who brought something wholly positive to my life. The icing on the cake perhaps.
I suppose figuring out your faults is a step in the right direction, now I just have to find that balance...Keeping my independence and being myself, but still being able to care and have feelings for someone else.
Thanks for reading.
Billy B :)